Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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