she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
