When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
