someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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