you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize