Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
