Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
why do cheetos always look like penises
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
