Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
