So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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