I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
