new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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