the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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