Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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