we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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