it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
