eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
