She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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