bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
