So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
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