and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
