I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize