they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i out mim tonsoeep
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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