i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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