I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
