Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
You're my little dorito
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
