I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
