Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I cockslap morals
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
