At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
