First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
His nipple licking is glorious
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