dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
