somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
