Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
