Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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