I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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