I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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