Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
