then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
