When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The struggles of a small town man whore
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
