OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize