hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
