My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
