He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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