Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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