the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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