He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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