Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
barbara walters just said penis...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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