somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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