I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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