im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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