just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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