dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
