so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
