I need to stop coming to work sober
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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