butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize