Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
