i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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