i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize