drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
