bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
