I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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