I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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