Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
