had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
