dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
